I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
