he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
