I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
