Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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