So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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