I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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