so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
