nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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