I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
