please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
