I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
