tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
