I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
