i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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