You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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