JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My dick has a subreddit
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
