He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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