Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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