i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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