Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
too bad you live with your parents still
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
