don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
