whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
