she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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