I wish I only lived at night.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
