you mean i was at the winter classic?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
