He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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