i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
