I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
