I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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