once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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