I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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