sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
