If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
