you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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