i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
