and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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