Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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