yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
