Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
