you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
