That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
