apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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