mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
