imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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