Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
