I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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