I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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