so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
