puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
