I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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