Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
