I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
