I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
