OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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