mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
