i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
