hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
