he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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