why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
