pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
